Communication is at the heart of every successful relationship—whether personal or professional. But often we struggle to express ourselves in a way that truly conveys what we feel without escalating conflict. Enter a simple yet powerful communication formula:
"I feel... when you... because... can you please...?"
This structure helps ensure that conversations remain constructive rather than confrontational. By expressing emotions, identifying the trigger, explaining the impact, and offering a request, you create space for understanding and resolution.
Why This Formula Works
It Encourages Ownership of Emotions – Instead of placing blame, starting with "I feel" acknowledges that your emotions are valid without making the other person defensive.
It Provides Context – Explaining "when you" helps clarify the specific behaviour or situation rather than generalising or accusing.
It Shows Impact – "Because" allows the other person to understand how their actions affect you, fostering empathy.
It Offers a Solution – Ending with "Can you please...?" turns the conversation into a request rather than a demand, making it easier for the other person to respond positively.
Here's an Example:
Imagine you feel ignored when your partner scrolls through their phone during dinner. Instead of saying, "You never listen to me!" try:
“I feel unimportant when you check your phone while I’m talking because I value our time together. Can you please put it away during meals?”
This approach keeps the discussion open and productive rather than confrontational.
Putting It Into Practice:
Try using this formula in everyday conversations. Whether at home, work, or social settings, clear communication leads to stronger connections, fewer misunderstandings, and a more positive dynamic with those around you.
Give it a try—will you use this formula today?
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